Bricklayer’s Accident Report
Here’s an old one, but definitely a good one.Once again, I found myself laughing hysterically when I read this.
Dear Sir:
I am writing in response to your request for additional information in
Block #3 of the accident reporting form. I put “Poor Planning” as the
cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust
the following details will be sufficient:
I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was
working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I
completed my work, I found I had some bricks left over which when
weighed later were found to weigh 240 lbs. Rather than carry the
bricks down by hand, I decided to lowe r them in a barrel by using a
pulley which was attached to the side of the building at the sixth
floor.
Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the
barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied
the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 240 lbs
of bricks. You will note on the accident reporting form that my weight
is 135 lbs.
Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I
lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to
say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the
vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding
downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured
skull, minor abrasions and the broken collarbone, as listed in Section
3 of the accident reporting form.
Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping
until the finge rs of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the
pulley which I mentioned in Paragraph 2 of this correspondence.
Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was
able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I
was now beginning to experience.
At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the
ground, and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the
weight of the bricks, the barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer
you again to my weight. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent
down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I
met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles,
broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body.
Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel
seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the
pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.
I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks,
in pain, unable to move and watching the empty barrel six stories
above me, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of
the rope…
